I feel like at my house we play our own version of the Hunger Games: don’t go grocery shopping until someone volunteers as tribute. 

I FUCKING HATE WHEN PEOPLE POUR KETCHUP ALL OVER THE FRENCH FRIES INSTEAD OF A DESIGNATED CORNER AND THEY OFFER ME SOME LIKE NO FUCK YOU AND YOUR TAINTED FRENCH FRIES

(Source: oreoprince)

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heart:

when i lose a pen i just saw two seconds ago 

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dicksplit:

holding in a fart all day and finally getting home

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I kind of like that choked-up feeling… the kind where you feel the tears building up behind the floodgates of your eyes. They feel like dams bursting at the seams. One more emotionally charged positive thought and the dam will let go every god damn feeling you’ve ever felt. 

But I like it. I like it when I’m driving down the street to get to work and all I can think about is stupidly happy moments that make me want to cry. 

It sure as hell feels better than the sad ones.